A Vignette…

Dementia is a strange malady. It destroys, but then it hands out a gift

            DEMENTIA IS AN unpredictable malady. No one really knows what is firing and what is not in the brain of one of its victims. That makes each visit a venture into the unknown, the unexpected.

            Connie has been in a severe decline since around Thanksgiving. I’ve documented it so won’t go into detail, other than to say she’s in a wheelchair, a hospital bed and under hospice care. She no longer can speak clearly because of aphasia and for the past few weeks sleep has been her normal pastime.

            But yesterday….well, yesterday was one of those wonderful head scratching days.

            I went to the memory care center early. I’ve been trying to get into her Social Security account – something for a post of its own – and I needed to get a picture of her. We sat at a dining table, her in the wheelchair, me in my chair. I explained what was going on and she nodded her head. We worked on getting access to her account, which required me to take a picture of her, but it didn’t work. “What now?” she asked. I was the sort of question anyone would ask but coming from someone with dementia it was astute and unexpected. I told her what I was going to do.

            Later I got a call from one of the hospice nurses who reported Connie had eaten all her lunch, participated in activities and was more talkative than usual. Once she became wheelchair bound the staff required,she spend her days in the common area. If she were left along in her unit she’d try to get up and fall. She was not happy at first but like a lot of things that seem negative at first, this one might have been a big positive.

            She still sleeps most of the day, but she is with others and has sounds and events around her. I think it has led to some socialization that did not exist before and who knows? Maybe, just maybe, it stimulates her brain.

            When I got down to the care center in the evening, she was more alert than usual. After I wheeled her into her room and got her in her chair she asked, “How did your project go?” I couldn’t believe my ears. She clearly asked about something we’d talked about in the morning. That’s not supposed to happen at the state of dementia she’s in.

            Which brings back to the beginning. Dementia is an unpredictable malady. I know this will not last, but it was a moment, a moment where I felt like I was with Connie. Not Connie with dementia but the Connie I have known and loved since that morning we met back in 1967.

            It was a gift, and I will take it and hold it. 

Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. Since 1995 he has operated an international consulting, public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development with major corporations, organizations, and government. He also writes the blog stuffonmymind.blog. Semi-retired, he and his wife live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].