When you know death is coming, think about those who will be left behind and how to make it easier on them..

I spent some time recently putting together everything my children will need to know to wrap things up when I am gone. Something for everyone to think about…

            CALLING HOSPICE for a loved one has a way of letting you know the finality of things.

            Add my own recent adventure with a TIA – mini-stroke – to the mix and it does make you start to focus on the inevitable end of it all.

            My son mentioned to me one day that while he had a general understanding of our affairs he and his sister probably needed more details if they were left to sort things out. I realized I had been so focused on Connie’s journey through dementia, and organizing everything around that, that I had not done as much as I could for my own affairs.

            So, I sat down and began creating a road map for the kids. My goal all along has been to make our deaths as easy as possible for them. You can’t remove grief and loss, but you can make the details less aggravating.

            I’d recommend this to anyone, with a caveat. Our 50 states are similar in laws but when it comes to how estates are managed, they vary so anything you think about doing, run it by your attorney.

            Here is what I did.

            First, I gathered up every bit of our financial data down to the last nickel and put I in a spread sheet that showed net worth. I live in an apartment so the only big thing I own is a car, for which I paid cash. Our estates are unencumbered. That’s a good thing if you can manage it. That doing of that exercise was good for me. I took a certain comfort from the bottom-line figures. I had done it before, I have a monthly/yearly budget but the balance sheet approach I had not done.

            Also on the financial front I put in detailed information on our CPA and attorneys with contact information. I also got updated copies of all signed documents – wills, powers of attorney, advanced directives.

            Several years ago we bought our tombstone, which rests in Sugar Grove Cemetery in Wilmington, Ohio. We had our names, birthdates engraved so all that would remain would be to enter dates of death. I included all the documents for the monument company and for the cemetery association.

            I went to the funeral home we had decided to use and prepaid simple cremation. Nothing fancy. The plan is that if Connie dies first her ashes will remain with me until I die then they will be co-mingled in one container with our wedding rings and buried in Sugar Grove. I also wrote both our obituaries with instructions on where to run them. Neither of us desire a funeral service so that end of things will be pretty simple.

            The funeral home, when notified of the death, will pick up the body, complete the death certificate and notify Social Security and Medicare of the death which will trigger stopping benefits. One note here – my Social Security benefit is larger than Connie’s so if I were to pass first, she would switch to my benefits. There is a process for that and it’s not complicated so be aware of it.

            A note on pre-paying for funeral expenses. Our funeral home puts the funds in an irrevocable funeral trust owned by an external company so if the funeral home should go out of business before we die, the money remains and can be returned. Check to see how any funeral home you choose manages that.

            Next I went online and downloaded articles on how to manage Social Security and Medicare upon the death of a recipient. 

            ONE OF THE big questions I had was how to manage post-death affairs. Would I be the executor for Connie and my son for me? I had a session with our lawyer to go over all this. When he looked at our situations he said in Pennsylvania the estate could avoid probate for the most part, and there could be no need for an executor. I won’t go into all the details but I strongly suggest a sit-down with an estate attorney prior to need to have them review your estate and offer suggestions.

            Some estates can be complex and most sources I checked with, including our attorney, said for more complicated estates it is worth the money to have a law firm do it. At this point, thanks to our conference, I don’t think I will be needing an executor. Assuming Connie passes first we will experiment with that on her estate then the kids and I will meet with the attorney to lay out a plan for my demise.

            I have taken all this information and put it into a document with attachments where PDFs and image were needed. My kids each have it, as do I. 

            I know some might think this a tad morbid, but death brings its own emotional trials. I personally do not want my mind overloaded with details. I have been told all my life that funerals, etc. are for the living, to keep them occupied so they don’t drown in grief. Personally, I will be fine with immersing myself in grief and loss upon Connie’s passing. I don’t want to have to hit pause to call a lawyer or do on-line searches.

            But, that’s me. You might see it differently. But, if this all sounds like it makes sense, feel free to reach out if you have any questions. My email is at the end of the bio blurb below.

Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. Since 1995 he has operated an international consulting, public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development with major corporations, organizations, and government. He also writes the blog stuffonmymind.blog. Semi-retired, he and his wife live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].