There comes a day when health problems have turned your life upside down when you realize that what you are doing when it comes to money isn’t what you need to keep doing

When Connie went into memory care, I was in survival mode financially – get the bills paid. Over time I realized that wasn’t going to work long-term. Making sure our finances were sound, that I was actually being a steward of our assets, become critical. So, I am doing stuff I don’t particularly like doing, but have to do…

This is part of an ongoing series about our family’s experience with dementia. There is no order to it, just observations, reflections and, I hope, some guidance for others on this journey or who may someday begin it. It is not intended as any sort of financial, medical or psychiatric advice. Just one family’s experience…

IT’S TIME TO talk money again. It’s not my favorite topic. I am not the best detail guy and, in the end, managing finances is all about the details. But here I am, taking over things my wife did throughout our marriage and dealing with all sorts of new realities.

Here’s what I have experienced as a spouse, caregiver for someone with dementia. I suspect the learnings would have been similar if we were dealing with long-term cancer treatment, stroke recovery…pick a condition.

When we were going through admitting Connie to a memory care unit, I had to gather up all our financial data, create spread sheets, do an application, figure out what assets had to be committed contractually to get her care. That wasn’t so much an analysis as it was just a “gathering.”

Once Connie was admitted and I was left dealing with the day-to-day, which involved me making a move to a smaller apartment unit in our complex, I admit I didn’t pay much attention to the ins and outs of our money. I had plenty in checking and savings to do what I needed to do. 

As time passed, I realized there was a long-term out there. Assuming I wasn’t going to die in my sleep that night, there would be a tomorrow and tomorrows after that I would have to provide for.

I am fortunate to have a friend, client, co-worker (not sure how I’d describe our relationship – all of the above?) who is a financial guru. Al Cleinman owns Cleinman Performance Partners which helps private practice optometrists understand the business side of their practices and survive and hopefully thrive. Al’s specialty is “deals,” and I use that word in its best sense. Al is scrupulously honest but gifted in knowing various ways to uniquely package finances that are totally within all laws and crafted for an individual.

We were at a national meeting of Cleinman Performance Network (a wisdom sharing group that brings 150 or so folks together) a few weeks ago and Al’s keynote was all about how he manages his finances. To say a light bulb or two lit up would be an understatement.

Al talked about how he uses Quicken, the software package that lets you track and manage every aspect of your finances. One thing that struck me was when he said he puts every single receipt for every purchase into Quicken. Really? I scan them, throw them away. Sometimes I don’t even keep them. I just check the credit card bill when it comes in.

The problem with that is that receipts are not always accurate. I’m not talking obviously fraud, just things like when you see that can coffee marked for $7.49 but your receipt charged you $14.99. I never bothered with that because I didn’t have “time.” Really? Al, one of the most on-the-go guys I know has time, but I don’t?

Al gave a lot of other tips that I wrote down and when I got home I realized I really had not created any systems for my new life. Connie had her systems, mostly paper, that I knew from the git-go weren’t going to work for me. I realized that I was through this six-month period of adjusting, since she went into memory care, and there were a lot of things I needed to do on the personal finance end.

IF YOU ARE dealing with caregiving and taking on chores you’ve never done before, you probably should be thinking about this.

I downloaded Quicken. I used QuickBooksPro for years for my business so wasn’t a total stranger to such programs. I spent a day importing all our financial data – checking account, savings accounts, CDs, IRAs, stocks, bonds…you name it. A couple of accounts would not import into Quicken so I will have to figure that out, but I have the essentials.

Next I looked at where I have my money. We had two savings accounts. Both earned low interest. Al had suggested looking at a bank we used to deal with through TIAACREF where my wife had retirement accounts from her teaching days. Its savings pays, at this time, 5.05 percent. I opened an account and began transfers. How good is that? It’s better than any of the CDs we have.

Now I have started my new discipline. I am getting receipts. I am looking at them. I am matching everything up with credit cards, checking in Quicken. I also like having all our investment accounts in one place.

Look, I don’t like numbers. All my life I’ve been a writer, half-assed arts, creative guy. I have left the details to others. I understand finance. I can read a balance sheet. But I’ve always had other people do the work of putting it all together.

Things change. Now it’s me and it’s my job and “liking” doesn’t have anything to do with it. 

So, here’s my advice. If you are on a life-changing health journey, get a grip on your finances. Find a team. I hope you have a friend like Al. Al doesn’t tell me what to do, he just suggests what I might do and I try not to ask too much of him. In addition I have two financial advisors in Texas I trust. In today’s tech world they can be in my living room in an instant. Locally I have a soild CPA and attorney. You need a team and you need systems.

So, start thinking about it. Do you know where your money is? Do you know what it’s doing? Is it accessible? Do you have a team helping you? Ask questions, get some answers. 

But there’s more, and that’s for next time. I think I need to change my will. What worked when we lived in Texas, what worked when we redid them after moving to Pennsylvania in 2021 may not work for what we need going down the road. Stay tuned…

Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. Since 1995 he has operated an international consulting, public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development with major corporations, organizations, and government. Semi-retired, he and his wife live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].