The best laid plans often go…..well, sort of south

I thought I had all the financial stuff, in terms of a will and beneficiaries, done but then I ran into a bit of a snag from the care unit….

         I HAVEN’T posted in a while. I’ve been dealing with some of my own health issues and spending a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and whining. The creative juices just have not flowed.

            But I do need to revisit an earlier post about planning your estate when you have a loved one in memory care. I made an editor’s note to make it clear I was not giving financial or legal bluehostadvice and anyone reading what I wrote should never implement it without talking to their own lawyer, financial team. Everyone’s situation is different, and laws vary state to state.

            Glad I said that because I have had to backtrack a bit. I was changing my will to make my kids my primary heirs. Connie always had been adamant she wanted them to have something. So, I made them the beneficiaries on my IRAs. I also made them heirs to half the other assets, with Connie getting the other half.

            I wanted to be sure I was being true to our agreement with the care center, as well as ethical, so I broke out just how much Connie would have in the event of my death. It included all her IRAs, a possible estate from her mother, our long-term care insurance for at least six years, some other assets along with getting my much higher Social Security check each month. I won’t give you the exact amount but all together it would keep her going for close to 10 years before she’d have to go on the facility’s care fund and Medicaid.

            In that spirit of transparency I sent all that to the care center. After a few days I got a reply that said, in part, “By removing your wife as the beneficiary, funding for her care needs could be in question.” I am not sure what that meant, in light of the financial data I gave them, but it sounded a bit like a threat. The response said my wife should be heir and if there was anything left when she died, the kids would get it.

            To say I was a bit miffed would be an understatement. But, I also had to admit that I was a bit naïve; I did not realize how much of the control over our finances we had signed over to the institution. I did email and ask what they meant by her care needs being “in question” but it’s been a few days and I have not gotten an answer.

            So, I did toss out the new will, which I had not signed yet. But, I also decided that I had not, in fact, ceded control of all our finances to an institution. In my earlier post I had said I was going to make the kids beneficiaries on my personal IRAs. They still are. I also have some stock my late great-aunt left me decades ago, which I never have touched. Sorry, institution, that’s family and my kids get it.

            I also am leaving the kids all my personal and real property, which given I rent an apartment is just household goods and car. It would make little sense to leave that to someone in a memory unit. And, I changed it back to where Connie will get all our cash assets to appease the care facility.

            Bottom line, she will have access to two-thirds of our assets plus her own IRAs plus a possible estate from her mom and our long-term care policy. It’s not what I wanted but we can live with it.

            Which takes me back to the disclaimer I made on the post a few weeks ago: Know your contract with your care facility; know your state laws; have a good legal and financial team behind you. 

            But something new I learned: Realize that when it comes to the care facility, it’s not really about you and/or your loved one. It’s about the money. Period. Doesn’t mean your loved one won’t get kind and compassionate care, but it does mean it’s a business and there is a cold side to it. Put on your winter coat and gloves….

            Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. He has worked as a consultant doing public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development. He and his wife live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].