Sometimes a perfect storm can creep up on you

I didn’t realize how much stress was piling on until I ended up in the emergency room with what most likely was a TIA. Did I follow my own advice to caregivers or not? Sort of….

            A CAREGIVER’S SETBACK….

            Things have been building of late, stress-wise. Connie’s decline and move into a wheelchair and hospital bed, the national malaise which, for a Quaker boy is distressing, and my apartment. 

My apartment complex is involved in a massive reconstruction to correct a major incompetence in original construction. It began last March, was suspended June 30 so the swimming pool could be opened then resumed Oct. 30. The work now is in my end of the courtyard and is a Monday-Friday 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. piece of work that goes off the charts on non-stop noise. The apartment is basically not useable during the day, and it’s led to fatigue and mega stress on top of everything else. Management, bottom line, really doesn’t give a damn and tells us we just have to put up with it. So…

I was sitting our lounge area late last Thursday afternoon and all of a sudden I was speaking gibberish. I could not say what I wanted. Words were coming out but they were a mix of verbs, nouns, adjective etc. that bore no relation to what had been in my head. I was dizzy and disoriented and for about 10 minutes or so I kept trying to get words out but could not. My friend asked me if I was OK and I said I didn’t think so. I left.

Back at the apartment I laid down until it was time to go down and sit with Connie. I did not talk a lot after that, but I couldn’t help but think about Connie and her speech aphasia and how I sounded like her. When I got home, I messaged my GP and described it and asked if I should be concerned or if it was just stress.

The next morning her nurse called and told me to go directly to the ER. No debate. Right now. She said they were concerned it might be a TIA and to tell the admitting person the doctor wanted me checked for a stroke ASAP. So I drove over. It was crowded inside but as soon as my nearly 80-year-old but was in the chair and I used the word “stroke” I was back in ER.

OK. Long story short. I spent 24 hours in the hospital and had more tests than I ever have had at one time. Bottom line, they think I may very well have had a TIA but they said there is no visible damage to confirm it, not unusual with someone’s first one. Could stress have contributed? Yes. 

When I was back in my apartment it was time to assess things. I will be wearing a heart monitor for 30 days to check for arrythmia, which can trigger a TIA. I was given the usual messages about clean living.

As for stress, I can’t really control anything I feel about Connie and I sure cannot control the unsettling news that bombards us each day, other than ignore it which, as a journalist, is harder than you might think.

What I can control is the apartment. I am fortunate. My son lives 10 minutes away. Most of my neighbors are not so lucky. So, starting this week, I will be going to his house each weekday. I can play with his doggies, read in peace, do some work and even take a nap. There is no peace in my apartment. The work is supposed to be done in May and after this weekend’s experience I know I cannot put up with it until then.

For more than two years now I’ve been writing about the need for caregivers to take care of themselves. For the most part, I think I have. But sometimes a perfect storm comes together and maybe, as a caregiver, you aren’t aware of the subtle and cumulative effects. I wasn’t.

I am hoping this was a one-off, a warning, and I am taking steps to ease stress as best I can, which I all any caregiver can do. Whether you are caring for someone with dementia, cancer or some other debilitating disease, this stuff ain’t easy.

Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. Since 1995 he has operated an international consulting, public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development with major corporations, organizations, and government. He also writes the blog stuffonmymind.blog. Semi-retired, he and his wife live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].