No Institution is Perfect, Including the One Your Loved One is in.

Sometimes the role of caregiver means watching the care unit and the people who work there. In a caring way, in a kindly way, but in a firm way when things aren’t as they should be.

YOU HAVE TO be an advocate for a loved one in care, even if it sometimes makes you feel like a meanie. And, it’s not easy.

Connie is in a very nice memory care unit. Generally, it is clean. The staff, generally, is caring and competent. That’s why it’s easy to get lulled into thinking everything is going to be fine all the time. It isn’t. That is the nature of an institution.

We have come a long way from the “nursing homes” of my youth. Often they were converted old houses, then later non-descript facilities that were understaffed, sometimes unlicensed. No doubt you have heard the horror stories of unchanged bed linens leading to open sores, lack of food, lack of any sort of exercise. Even, sadly, violence done to residents.

For the most part we are past that. Today care facilities are highly regulated and inspected. Requirements for employees are much stricter. But that also can lull you into a false sense of security.

Like any business, care facilities face challenges in hiring. To find employees who meet the requirements, who have caring natures and who can often work without supervision is difficult.

I have not found anything at Connie’s facility that would put her in immediate peril or pain, but I have found things that were off and needed correcting. Our facility has had turnover and over time, I have noticed a big difference between the “A Team” and the “B Team.”

For instance, Connie’s room was not being cleaned as it should have been. Dropped tissues remained in a corner for days. The toilet bowl was stained, to the point I finally cleaned. I had watched the person tasked with cleaning. My observation was that she spent as much time standing outside rooms, on her phone, than she did inside the rooms.

I hesitated to say anything. I knew without asking that this was one of the lower-paid jobs; that if the person lost that job there would be hardships. At the same time, though, we are customers. We, and our insurance company, pay very serious money for Connie’s care. It certainly is enough that proper cleaning should be done.

I MENTIONED THIS to an employee I trusted, and she told me I should say something, that they had complained about this person and gotten nowhere. So, I complained, politely but firmly. Within a day or two the cleaning had stepped up. 

I have noticed other small things, and I now have the habit of mentioning them. I often preface it with an understanding of how hard it is to find employees, but then I move into my customer role and share what’s not acceptable to me.

If you have someone in care, you should be doing the same thing. I also suggest that you vary your visits. Why? Because there can be a big difference between day shift and night, between weekdays and weekends.

Often your loved one cannot speak for themselves. That’s certainly true in a memory care unit but also could be true for other care units. That’s why you need to be observant, need to be vocal. You are the ultimate caregiver.

Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. Since 1995 he has operated an international consulting, public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development with major corporations, organizations, and government. Semi-retired, he and his wife live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].