It may not be nice to trick a loved one with dementia, but sometimes you just have to….
IT MAY NOT be nice to play tricks on someone with dementia, but sometimes you have to. If you are dealing with a loved one with dementia you may already have come to this conclusion; if you haven’t gotten there yet, you will.
This time the trick involved clothing. For a few weeks now Connie has been complaining to the memory care staff and to me that all her pants and shorts are too tight. They are not by any normal measurement, but “normal” does not apply.
In whatever world Connie now inhabits, in terms of how she feels things, they are too tight. She called me this morning almost in tears, wanting help.
I went down and measured the inseams on her current pants, which were size “large.” Some, though, were mediums.
Off to Walmart. The time for high fashion has passed. I got a dozen or so pairs of pants and shorts, none with buttons or snaps and all either elastic, drawstring or both. When I got back to the memory care center I gave her a pair to try on.
But, and here is where the trickery comes in, while she was doing that I got her current pairs of pants out of the dirty clothes basket and mixed them. She rejected a few of the new purchases, mainly because they were too long.
But, when she put on her current pants, thinking they were new, she pronounced them very comfy. So now, she has a mix of old and new that she said felt OK and none with buttons or snaps, which she no longer manages well.
I left feeling not at all guilty and looking ahead to, not a trick, but a cleaning out. The staff suggested I take everything except about 10 or 12 days worth of clothing out of her unit and give it away. That simplifies decision-making and lessens confusions.
So, that’s next. No trickery next time. Just bagging up and donating.
Some helpful tips if you are working with a loved one around dressing: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/how-make-dressing-easier-people-dementia
Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. Since 1995 he has operated an international consulting, public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development with major corporations, organizations, and government. Semi-retired, he and his wife live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].