A Vignette

Haven’t posted for a while. Blame it on ennui….

         Been a while since I posted on this blog. Once upon a time I had plans to make this a semi-weekly or even more often update on Connie’s condition and our journey through dementia. But reality intervened.

            I don’t know exactly what I mean by “reality” because for anyone suffering from or dealing with dementia in the family that reality is different. It’s impacted by a lot of things, including your own health and emotions.

            For me, my own health has mainly centered on a bum knee that may or may not need replacing and a bad back disc that may or may not need surgery. Those have limited my activities which has not helped the space between my ears much. It’s also led to a general feeling of ennui, which the poet, novelist and critic Charles Lloyd described as a “soul-destroying fiend.” Lloyd, if you are dying to know, was English, a Quaker born in 1748. He ended up in an asylum after claiming he was the devil. Who knew?

            I guess in addition to the aforementioned ennui, I’ve also been in a bit of a Groundhog Day routine. Dementia is not an affliction marked by sudden change. I’ve noticed it is a series of plateaus. Behavior seems steady, then you notice a drop, then it’s steady for a while and then, another drop. It’s kind of hard to notice things on a daily, and sometimes weekly, basis.

            It’s also hard to write about without invoking what sounds a lot like, and on some days is, self-pity. Poor me. Poor us. I try to resist that. There is a lot of suffering in this world, a lot of people in need of help and a hug. Watch a St. Jude’s or Shriner’s commercial and tell me you don’t want to send a check.

            So, I haven’t felt much like sharing. I will say it goes on. Connie is slipping, but not so much that we can’t still have a meaningful relationship. I go down each evening, and often during the day and we take walks, take drives, we talk, we watch TV, we work puzzles. Our son goes every Saturday or Sunday and takes his Mom for walks. Our daughter checks in from Europe. 

            So it goes and it’s still pretty good for the most part. All I have to do to realize how good we still have it is look around at the folks in the memory care units who don’t have it so good. We will be where they are someday, but not yet. Not yet. 

            Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. He has worked as a consultant doing public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development. He and his wife, Connie, live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].