Sometimes we all just need somebody, or a few somebodies……
EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMEBODY…
We have this little group that meets monthly at Connie’s care facility. It’s put together by two young, positive staffers who are amazingly tuned into to all the trials, and moments of despair, the families of those with dementia go through.
While dementia is unique, those of you who have accompanied a loved one with cancer, strokes, dying hearts on their journey have experienced the same special feelings of loneliness, frustration, grief and guilt those in our little group feel.
We are a diverse group at the care center. There are spouses, children, siblings. Men, women. All ages and races. Each of our loved ones is going through something different, because that is the nature of dementia. And each of us is going through something different because we all have different lives.
Some have jobs, some have children, some have their own illnesses and issues. At one time I might have thought – well, actually I did think – that what I was going through was mine and there was not much a group of people could give me.
I was wrong, of course. All the professional advice-givers around dementia tell us that families and caregivers need their own support. While we give care, we need care.
So, once a month I go down to the care facility and sit in a room with other people. Some folks come in via Zoom. The staff usually gives a program about some subject related to what we are going through and then we talk. Some, possibly including me, probably talk too much. In some cases, we are sharing, in some cases we pose questions.
I was sitting in the group last night and saw and heard a few things that made me feel as good as a person in my situation can feel.
There were laughs. People, in the midst of loss, had some funny stories to tell.
There was sharing. People were honest, open about what they were feeling and while some questions might have seemed too personal, people shared.
There was learning. I heard some things that made me grateful that my wife is not as far along as some, but at the same I heard things that will help me navigate this journey.
We are all in a club none of us want to be in, but it’s a club we all need. We all need somebody, or somebodies, even if it’s only for one evening a month.
Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. He has worked as a consultant doing public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development. He and his wife, Connie, live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].