I ORDERED A new car. And yes, it does have something to do with Connie’s dementia, as well as my own social conscience.
I have a perfectly good car – a 2024 Subaru Crosstrek with only 16,000-plus miles on it. So, why did I order a 2026 Subaru Crosstrek Hybrid?
First, it’s a hybrid. Subaru did not have a credible hybrid when I bought the 2024. It does now. As a long-time member (with Connie) of the Citizens Climate lobby, which has lowering carbon emissions as its primary mission, I had guilty pangs when I bought yet another gas-powered car. But I opted for the Subaru because I am old and I wanted its safety features, which are the best bar none according to the experts.
Which brings me to dementia.
One of the biggest challenges a caregiver faces, both emotionally and physically, is self-care. I decided from the very first day we knew for sure Connie had dementia to be with her as long as she knew me. I’ve gotten a way a few times, usually short business trips of three days or so, and one long trip to West Texas to hook up with old National Park volunteer friends.
But, aside from those outings, I’ve stayed close to home, going each evening to sit with Connie and sometimes going down during the day to take her on drives or on walks. I am going to continue to do that until….
….the time comes when she no longer knows me when I walk into her room at the memory care center. That day is drawing closer. She is losing track of names and of time. When will that day of total loss come? I don’t know. It won’t hit like a lightning bolt. But it will come, and I suspect next year some time.
AS SHE MOVES toward that point, I do intend to travel more, to try to renew myself. I will put aside feelings of selfishness, though I know there will be some guilt. As she declines, I will take a short trip, here and there, and the longer ones.
Which brings me to the hybrid car. I do have a couple of big road trips planned, like a month or more at a pop. Those will most likely be “farewell” tours at my age.
One will be to see family and friends, traversing the country from Pennsylvania to Ohio to Michigan to the Northwest to California, to Colorado and back again. The other will be one last big trip to Big Bend National Park to reune with my Sierra Club/Park volunteer buddies.
I hope that with the new car, which will be my last, I will travel with my conscience clean and my Citizens Climate Lobby membership pure. And, when at some point I am done with the car, and at 79 that could be sooner rather than later, I will pass it on to a child or grandchild.
The clock is ticking for both Connie and for me and I need to start thinking about life beyond…..well, whatever beyond is and whenever it comes…
Rich Heiland, has been a reporter, editor, publisher/general manager at daily papers in Texas, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio and New Hampshire. He was part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team at the Xenia Daily (OH) Daily Gazette, a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year. Since 1995 he has operated an international consulting, public speaking and training business specializing in customer service, general management, leadership and staff development with major corporations, organizations, and government. Semi-retired, he and his wife live in West Chester, PA. He can be reached at [email protected].